I didn’t think I’d still be pregnant at 40 weeks but here I am. Today I tried some ways to induce labor “naturally” at home. I’m so torn between letting my baby & body do it’s thing and giving baby P a little nudge in the right direction. Even though I can’t wait to hold my baby, I decided to let my baby comes when it’s ready, for as long as I can anyways.
But that isn’t what I wanted to write about today. All the things they say are true. I am 9 months pregnant and have never felt so unlike myself. Literally everything I do is for my baby, or for our future to benefit Baby P and our family. I know I’ll eventually feel like myself again (or maybe some newer version of myself) but I’m in a really weird phase right now. Like a teenager trying to figure out “who they are.”
When I got pregnant, people kept telling me my life would change. Some said it would be better and although some didn’t directly say it would be worse, that is what was implied. I don’t think it will be worse. I’m ready and excited to become a mom. But what I do think is going to be worst is my anxiety. I already worry more. I think I’m a natural worrier, and I think becoming a cop and getting older has made it worst. I’ve handled it very well throughout my pregnancy, but I’ve had my moments some of which I’ll blame on hormones for now. I talk to Tyler some about my worries, and he’s always reassuring. We don’t have it figured out, but we will. I’ve spent a lot of time alone throughout my pregnancy, thanks to working from home due to covid. And it has given me time to really consider what’s important.
My job is pretty structured, and I’ve always liked that. Yeah the calls change, but it’s typically a 10 hour shift, I wear the same uniform, same hair and work with the same people day in day out. I have a set of rules or directives to follow. So I do my job and I come home. Since covid I’ve taken a deeper plunge into entrepreneurship and it’s made me realize a few things..
1. I like to be the boss. In fact my number one goal currently is to bust my ass now, so that I will be the boss. I like working my own schedule, wearing what I want to work and being able to be creative. Although I enjoy my job, none of those things are true for me currently. Being my own boss is my new goal, and top priority for my 5 year plan.
2. I have more time for Tyler. I’m not saying we didn’t have time before, because we did. But we have time when we want to have time now. I can adjust my schedule around his, which is something I couldn’t really do before I was working from home.
3. Being a stay at home (working) mom wouldn’t be so bad. Tyler and I are use to a certain lifestyle. By no means are we rich, but financially we are in a much better position than we’ve been in previous years. So there is no way I’d want to change that right now. We are able to pay off debts, save money and finish our house so it’s totally worth having a 2-income house. But if I could find a way to still enjoy my job, be home and supplement my income equally or more, then I think I could be down with staying home.
But, as much as I enjoy my job and my coworkers I don’t enjoy them more than my family, or freedom. It’s not going to be any time soon, or I might even change my mind. But Baby P isn’t even here yet and I’m already having a change of heart. I enjoy blogging for the freedom and positive release it gives me. I enjoy being a YouTuber for the creative outlet it gives me. And I enjoy running 6440 Graphics for a combination of the two. I have a new 5 year plan, I have new goals and I have a new outlook on what is successful. Becoming a detective is still high on the list but I have more of a sense of what success will or can look like for me, and it’s not just one thing.
I’ll continue to grow my business, write my blogs and edit my videos. As well as advance in my career until I have it all figured out.
Even with Baby P coming soon you’ll still see me here every Friday! And on my channel every Sunday. If you aren’t following me already, why? I post daily there so follow me here
I talked about my shop a lot so make sure to check us out before we talk again! I added a lot of cute items, and they are currently on sale!
I appreciate all of you who are subscribed to my blog already! I’ve got a lot of great blogs coming up, so stay tuned!
xo
