When I first found out I was pregnant I was excited, then immediately overwhelmed and started thinking about how our lives were going to change from this day forward. Like how do I MOM???
Tyler and I decided that after my birthday in October we would start trying for a baby. I had been in my career for a year, we were in a house with enough space for Baby P and let’s be honest we’ve had many many years of fun and weren’t getting any younger, we were ready. But trying for a baby?! Oh boy! Or girl (we still don’t know).
I was on birth control the entire time we were dating, engaged and married up until this point. We never wanted a baby sooner than we thought we were ready. Because of the years of birth control I wasn’t really sure how long it would take to get pregnant, we were fortunate that it didn’t take long. But when I didn’t become pregnant immediately in November I decided to track my period and use ovulation tests (I know I really should have been more patient). Since I had just removed my birth control my period wasn’t regular, and to be honest I was ignorant to how you actually became pregnant. I didn’t know how to figure out when I was ovulating and I had spent majority of my life trying not to get pregnant, so this was weird and new to me. I had to educate myself a little bit via google and YouTube, downloaded some apps and went from there.
I was in Harris Teeter with Tyler when the smell of meat instantly made me want to throw up. This wasn’t very strange to me because I’m vegan, so the smell of meat often made me gag. But I knew this was different. On November 29th I took a test before I left for work and it was positive! The line was faint so I thought maybe it wasn’t accurate, or a false positive or something. I text my best friend and she confirmed a line is a line that’s a positive! So of course I was happy and I wanted to think of a cute way to tell Tyler. I was working 3rd shift so I had all night to think about it.
When I got off the next morning I went to Walmart and grabbed a gender neutral bottle to try and set something cute up before Tyler woke up.
This is what I came up with 🤣 I HAD to wake Tyler up because I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I told him. I already kept the secret all night and I couldn’t do it any longer. I got into bed and told him that I was really thirsty and needed some water. It was 7am on a Saturday so he was not happy but got up to get it for me anyways. I tried to sneak and follow him so I could record his reaction but he knew something was up and asked me what I was doing. When he saw it he was excited but also still asleep and sort of in disbelief.
It was a long weekend waiting to call the doctor on Monday and unfortunately our happiness was short lived. When I went to the doctor on December 1st I was originally told the test was negative, but then a few minutes after told it showed positive. The doctor said I would need to get some blood work done to determine pregnancy. On December 4th my bloodwork came back and my hcg levels were less than 10. The doctor told me that I was either really early in my pregnancy or I had experienced a chemical pregnancy.
He wanted me to come back in about 2 weeks to have my blood drawn again. I did and on December 17th I received my results and my hcg levels were less than 1. We were sad but we weren’t discouraged. It happened so quickly the first time so we had hope that it could happen again.
Later on in the month, well December 26th to be exact I took another test. I had been feeling more tired than normal and was getting that nauseous feeling again. The test was positive! I was excited but also confused and a little scared. I didn’t want to tell my husband right away this time. I wanted to take another test, and my in-laws were in town so I wanted to wait for them to leave. I knew it was really early in my pregnancy so I wasn’t ready to announce and I wasn’t 100% sure I was actually pregnant. A few days later I went back to work and decided I need to tell my husband when I got home because I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. I again wanted to tell him in a cute way. So I made a onesie and got in the bed waiting for him to wake up. It was about 7 am and I knew he would be up around 7:30 so I decided to wait up. Well, I didn’t wait up. At some point I fell asleep and Tyler woke me up to tell me he was leaving. I was holding the onesie in my hand under the blanket and showed him when he woke me up. He again was in shock and asking me questions like how do I know and am I sure. I told him I was but I was going to wait to go to the doctor because of what happened last time, and he agreed.
We had already planned to host a NYE party, so I was wondering how I was going to make it through the party without shots, champagne toasts and not telling anyone. We ended up telling my sister in-law and sister. And turns out since everyone was drinking no one really noticed that I wasn’t. After NYE I made an appointment for January 10th I think, or some where around there. Up until my appointment I continued to take pregnancy tests and the line kept getting darker so we were feeling really confident that I was pregnant.
When I went to the doctor they just did a blood draw and I had to wait a couple of days for my results. When the results came back my hcg levels were MUCH higher. The doctor wanted me to make an appointment with the OBGYN to confirm pregnancy with an ultra sound. According to my hcg levels I was between 7-8 weeks pregnant, but that didn’t make any sense.
The following week we went to the doctor and heard the baby’s heartbeat! Based on the baby’s size it was determined I was about 6.5 weeks pregnant, and this made a little more sense. I wasn’t really comfortable with the doctor and really not comfortable that 1/8 doctors could delivery our baby. I decided to look into other options.
But before I get there, around 8 weeks we told my mother in-law that I was pregnant. I wanted to wait a little longer but she was visiting that weekend and I convinced myself that she knew, even though after she told me she had no idea. I found these fake lotto tickets on amazon that said “we’re having a baby” when you revealed the prize. Tyler’s aunt was also there so we had her scratch the lotto ticket. There were tears and they were both super surprised and I was so relieved to share our exciting news. The following weekend we went to visit Tyler’s parents so we could tell his dad since he didn’t come the previous weekend. He was also shocked and followed the same pattern of disbelief. But was ultimately excited for his first grandchild.
My parents live out of state but we had already purchased tickets to visit them. We had some set backs with our trip but when I was about 11 weeks we went to see them. We told them the same way we told my in laws. Same excitement, disbelief and tears. It is also their first grandchild. I talk to my mom almost everyday, So I was glad to talk to her “normally” again. My sister also took some super cute photos while we were there.
Okay back to the OBGYN and how I wasn’t blown away by her customer service. The office and the doctor were not welcoming and I didn’t really feel comfortable in there. I was interested in a midwife and possibly a home birth. Tyler was not down with the idea of a home birth. His concerns were understandable but not enough to convince me into a hospital birth. I started looking into birth centers and the closest one to us was 50 minutes. Tyler agreed to do a tour even though he though the drive was a little long. The birth center was nice, and it was not the sterile feeling I got at the doctors office. I felt comfortable and Tyler did too once he was able to ask all his questions. They told us to take the weekend and think it over and let them know on Monday. After weighing the pros and cons Tyler told me it was ultimately my decision, obviously I decided to go with the birth center. I want an unmediated birth, with the least intervention as possible and felt the birth center would be the best choice to accomplish this. I will talk about my choice for an unmediated birth in another post.
At about 14 weeks we had our first appointment at the birth center. I was pretty anxious because I wasn’t nauseous any more, I wasn’t showing and I wasn’t really feeling pregnant. We saw the baby and heard the heartbeat the first time since 6.5 weeks so my anxiety quickly went away.
I originally wanted to work until 12 weeks, and then go to light duty. I lasted just over a week after my ultra sound before I told my Sgt and went to light duty. It is probably because I was just more anxious and cautious but work was tough since I found out I was pregnant. I was working third shift, 8pm-6am, and was more tired than normal. One night I did a track with K9 and had to jump multiple fences. At one point another officer turned around and helped me over the fence. I must have looked like I was really struggling. I know I was going over the fence super slow because I was afraid to fall over. The night I decided I should just go ahead and sit down we saw a crime in progress and had to jump fences again. My partner quickly got over the fence and was waiting on me, I decided it wasn’t worth waiting another month. I had extra anxiety and felt like I couldn’t concentrate on my job 100%. You know all the pregnancy worries plus chasing bad guys.
I was given a new assignment the following week, and its where I will remain until I return from maternity leave. I am just a week from my 3rd trimester now. My second trimester has been very different from my first, but we will discuss that next week.
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xo
