It’s taken me almost 8 weeks to finish this post. I almost feel silly now about how down I was during and immediately after giving birth. You’ll be happy to know I’m feeling much better now and spending all my time loving on my sweet baby.
Baby P was due on September 4th, 2020. If you’ve been following my pregnancy via my blog or Instagram you know we didn’t know baby’s gender until she was born. So since we know now let me formally announce that our baby was born a healthy happy girl.
The labor and delivery of my sweet daughter was nothing like I expected, let me explain…
On her due date I tried some of the “old wives tales” labor induction techniques (check out the video here). I can’t say if one of these techniques worked since I tried so many but I started having contractions the following evening.
Prior to going into labor and going into the birth center I never knew how dilated I was. I’ll admit I did a self check by squatting over a mirror, and I could tell I was dilated, but didn’t know how much. I knew it wouldn’t really help me to know, so I didn’t even want to know until I was in labor.
Earlier in the week I was able to convince Tyler that we needed to paint our shutters. It was Labor Day weekend so we both had Monday off. He didn’t want to do it but eventually agreed and got it done before Korbin came. Saturday he took all the shutters down and I painted them that evening. Around 6pm I started to have very mild contractions, mild enough to where I could work through them.
Later on during the evening, around 11 pm, the contractions were a little more intense but still bearable. I started tracking them on an app and they were very far apart and not to strong so I went to bed knowing baby would be arriving soon.
Sunday I woke up and was able to get a few things done in the morning but by lunch time the contractions were stronger and I was really only comfortable laying down in the bed. They were still far apart, but not unbearable so I just decided to take it easy. Tyler was running around finishing the shutters. I took multiple baths and spent most of the day on the couch and in the bed. The baths helped but by Sunday night I called the midwife to see when I should come in. My contractions still weren’t consistent so I decided to stay home. On Sunday night I lost my mucus plug. I’ll spare you the photo, but it looked just like a thought it would and came out all in one piece. I for sure thought that labor would be amping up and I’d be holding my baby soon. Shortly after I lost my mucus plug I went to the restroom and was bleeding. It wasn’t a lot but it was bright red. I was really scared because I was told to call if I had bright red bleeding (apparently it had to be much more than I had). So of course I was crying, Tyler was down stairs. I had to call him to call the midwife because I was too hysterical. Turns out I and most importantly baby would be fine.
Around 3am I called the birth center and told them I was coming in because the contractions were getting pretty intense and I couldn’t sleep. A few minutes later I threw up and I felt much better and was able to sleep so I stayed home.
On Monday contractions had me in bed all day. Couldn’t eat, or sleep hardly. In fact I hadn’t really ate since Saturday and didn’t even feel hungry. Tyler was still running around trying to get everything done, and cleaning up. He kept coming in to check on me but I really just wanted to be alone in the quiet and dark. All day I labored in the bed. And around 5pm I told Tyler we would have to go to the birth center. He was getting ready to go to the store to grab dinner and I told him to go and make sure he ate because we may have a long night.
I called the midwife and let her know my contractions were still about 8 min apart but that we were coming in because they were starting to get really painful. Our bags were packed by we still wanted to make sure everything was in order so we left for the birth center around 7pm. It’s about an hour drive and by the time we got there my contractions were 5 minutes apart.
I saw my midwife sitting right inside the door and when we pulled in she came out to help me into the center. She checked and I was 5 cm dilated and she said she could feel my water bag. Tyler went to grab our bags and she helped me to the room. It was about 8:30 pm at this time and I was getting anxious to meet my baby.
So funny story, Tyler had his draft so we both got into the bed, me breathing through contractions and Tyler finishing his draft. Contractions were getting more intense but by midnight I had not made any progress. I labored in the tub for a few hours and just knew baby was going to come while I was in the tub.. wishful thinking. My midwife checked me and I wasn’t dilated any more. At midnight my midwife asked me if I wanted her to break my water to see if it would help, I agreed.
After she broke my water, I labored in the shower for a few and moved to the bed. At 3 am she checked me again and I didn’t made any progress. She told me she wanted to go to the hospital because I had not made any progress in almost 8 hours. She wanted me to get Pitocin to help the contractions. I was already really tired from laboring on my own for almost 2 days. I really broke down at this point. I was scared of going to the hospital. I didn’t want medication and I didn’t want the sterile environment of the hospital. For the first time I cried and really felt like I might not be able to do it. It wasn’t even because of the pain it was because it had been working for hours for nothing. I knew if I went to the hospital I’d have to stay there and that wasn’t something I was prepared for.
Around 4:30am I was given the pitocin. I also decided to get fentanyl because I did not know what the pain would be like. It was painful but not unbearable, the most painful part was still to come. My midwife turned the lights off and was helping me through the contractions. Ty tried to get some sleep for a little but I think he got 20-30 minutes before he was by side. I wasn’t really quiet breathing through my contractions, a lot of moaning going on so I know he couldn’t really go to sleep anyways.
By 7am I was only about 6 or 7cm dilated, so I was still on pitocin. I continued to labor in the hospital bed because I wasn’t able to walk and even if I was I was hooked up to an IV and other monitors.
At this point I was really down on myself. I had been in active labor for over a full day and I would be giving birth in a hospital instead of the comfortable birthing center. Over night the hospital wasn’t that bad, there were only 2 nurses, my midwife and Tyler and I. But by morning I was overwhelmed. Multiple nurses came and introduced themselves while I was working through contractions. And by the time it was 10am and I was ready to push the room was filled with people. Tyler was to concentrated on me and I was to concentrated on pushing to speak up. Luckily my midwife told people to leave. She told the nursery nurses she’d let them know when the baby was here and kicked out the other nurses who I think were just bystanders. It was just the midwife, Tyler and one other nurse when it was GO time.
She told me it was time to push. With it being my first time I asked her how long will this take. She said it was up to me, could be minutes or hours. Her and I both agreed we didn’t want it to be hours, but I did start pushing and over an hour later baby was born. After a few pushes the midwife informed me that she would have to help me because she was under my pelvic bone. So for the remainder of the the time I was pushing she used her fingers to push down and stretch my vagina or cervix, I’m not sure really. But it was the most painful thing I’d ever done in my life. After about an hour I had absolutely no energy. I was completely defeated. I was laying in a hospital bed on my back with both legs in the air, pushing, which is exactly how I did not want to be. We had tried different potions but I was able to push the best laying on my back. The fact that baby’s heart rate never dropped and she was completely fine the whole time really motivated me to keep going.
I was so tired. I started falling asleep during contractions even thought it felt like a few seconds, I’m not sure how long it actually was. I heard this a lot when I was watching birthing videos before I went into labor but I had the urge to poop the whole time, but it’s like my body wouldn’t let me. And my midwife was telling me it’s fine to push it did not matter, but for some reason I couldn’t. Id say it took me almost an hour to actually understand how to push and what a “good” and correct push felt like.
Tyler looked so concerned and it really broke my heart. I knew from the beginning that he wouldn’t like seeing me in pain. But he was so supportive throughout my entire labor. Encouraging me and being my water boy 😂
I don’t know how other people felt but it was the weirdest sensation. I didn’t feel the “ring of fire” I had read about. But a huge sense of relief! When I was pushing my midwife asked me if I wanted to feel her head, that she was close. But I said no. I was exhausted and wanted to concentrate. But Tyler said when she started coming out I reached down and tried to pulled her out before she was fully out. I don’t remember that. Just minutes before she came out my midwife told me that she was really close and if I was to exhausted that she could have the doctor come in and suction her out. I was not having that. I was so close and I already had more interventions than I wanted. That was all the encouragement I needed. I knew If I was pushing to long they would suggest a c-section and I was definitely avoiding that if I could.
I thought I would be so concerned about knowing her gender when she came out but it really didn’t even cross my mind. I just wanted to hold her. She didn’t latch right away, it wasn’t until after I held her for a while and she was weighed and measured that she nursed. I’m not sure how long I held her but I think between Tyler and myself it was at least an hour, before we handed her to the nursery nurses.
She was so beautiful and it’s true what they say, it was all worth it and now 8 weeks later as I write this I feel like I barley remember what and how it happened. Labor and delivery is almost a blur as well as the first week being a mommy.
Since I was transferred to the hospital I had to stay at least one night. All things considered it wasn’t an awful stay, but I really wasn’t emotionally prepared for a hospital stay. Luckily Tyler and I were the only ones on the labor and delivery floor while we were there. But I envisioned how I wanted my labor and delivery to go and that just wasn’t it. I spent so much time preparing my mind and body for an unmedicated birth that I didn’t really know what to do when things weren’t going as planned.
I wasn’t scared about giving birth but the minute I went to the hospital I was scared. The monitors, laying on my back and multiple people in the room are all things I didn’t want. After I have birth I felt real sorry for myself, really for about a week after birth. I was almost envious of mothers who had their dream birth and even found it difficult to watch or read about any birth stories. I didn’t help that I’m a first time mom so had no idea what I was doing with a newborn and my hormones were crazy. I think I cried everyday that first week, multiple times.
I know for some her birth may not seem like a big deal and compared to some stories I’ve heard it’s not. But at the time and in the moment it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. And it is probably one of the hardest things I’ll ever do.
Luickly after the first week I was able to get out of my funk. I was so grateful that I didn’t have to get an epidural or c section and most importantly that she was healthy. During my whole labor and delivery she was fine, no signs of distress. It was just as hard for her as it was for me but I can tell she’s a fighter like her mommy.
She’s perfect in every way. And although I don’t want her to grow up to fast I am excited to raise this little girl with Tyler! It’s the best feeling having someone who needs and wants nothing more than to be with you all the time. She needs us for everything and we will be there for her for everything.
I’ll have a video up on my channel soon about my labor and delivery, so make sure you subscribe and hit that alert button so you can be notified when it posts!
xo
