I was scrolling through Instagram one day around 7 weeks postpartum and I saw a “reel” mention postpartum anxiety. I immediately knew that this is what I’d been going through.
Since I have no clinical training I’m going to share the definitions I found on google about postpartum depression and anxiety.
Shortly after my daughter was born I looked up what postpartum depression meant. I found this definition and decided this wasn’t what I was feeling so I must be fine. Just a case of the baby blues maybe. So I looked up what it meant, and this is what I found…
Okay so this wasn’t entirely true, but closer to how I felt. I cried a lot, which is really out of character for me, but super normal after giving birth. I was definitely moody & cranky (sorry Tyler). But I wasn’t really having trouble sleeping (at first) I mean I had a newborn so there was trouble sleeping but not for lack of trying. I didn’t have trouble eating, I ate when I could and was trying to figure out how to navigate my day around nursing every 2 hours and baby naps. I did feel overwhelmed, but not because I didn’t think I couldn’t take care of her but because I didn’t know how. I didn’t know her schedule, I didn’t know what her cries meant and I was still physically exhausted from giving birth.
After about a week I started to feel better. So I figured baby blues over, problem solved. But as the weeks went on I still (and still do) felt a little off. Not sad, in fact I was happy and glad that I was learning about her and how to be a mom. But I felt worried and anxious. I’ve dealt with anxiety in the past, but this was different. Now I was responsible for making decisions for myself and her, this was a whole different ball game.
Bingo, this was it. It didn’t look exactly like this for me (and I will say it has gotten better), but I knew this better explained what I was going through. Instead of running up and down the stairs every few minutes I just went to bed when she did, way easier to put my hand on her chest to make sure she was breathing. There were numerous things that I did, and still do, that would better fit in the anxiety category.
I’ve talked to my husband and my mom about it. I’ve literally said out loud I’m just worried and anxious, but it didn’t click that I may have postpartum anxiety. When I tell Tyler I love him and to be safe when he leaves for work, or leaves for a run I can’t help but think what if -insert some awful freak accident-.
About 5 weeks after giving birth I started to get hives all over my legs in the middle of the night. The last time this happened to me I was stressed in the Police academy. So I figured this was related to stress. The hives didn’t wake me, but once I was up to feed or change Korbin it was sometimes difficult to go back to sleep for a while. I mentioned my hives to my midwife at the 6 week checkup but I told her I was stressed and I was aware of it and could work through it. I’m not normally one to talk about how I’m feeling with people I’m not close too. Let me also mention that the same day of my appointment she fell off of our bed so her and I (more so me) were having a really difficult day. It was already hard to try and keep it together at my appointment when I cried all morning.
Once I self-diagnosed, again no proper training but who knows you better than you, and identified the issue I could cope and work through it. So here’s how I did it… really how I’m still doing it.
1. Talk about it
Although he can’t really relate, my husband is one of the people who knows me best. He’s also the one who I talk go the most. I also have my mom who I don’t even have to tell what I need or how I’m feeling. She somehow just knows and my best friend who also recently had a son, and knows exactly how I feel. I have a whole girl squad and mommy internet friends who I can talk to about my worries. And I do sometimes if I feel like other people just aren’t getting it.
Find your person (or people) you can reach out to. It doesn’t matter if it’s something small or big, make sure you have someone you can talk to about it whatever you’re feeling. Someone who will take you serious and won’t judge.
If you don’t feel like you have that person I can be that for you. Because I probably feel the same or have felt what you are feeling. And guess what I work nights and have a newborn so I’m available all the time, just let me know.. you can call me.
2. Plan
Remember what I said earlier about my mom knowing what I need before I even know myself? Well this is one of the instances. She lives out of town, out of town like hop on a plane and take 5 hours to get here out of town, so when I was pregnant she told me she would come visit when I went back to work. She told me it will be hard and I’ll probably be more comfortable if she’s there to watch Korbin, and she’s 100% right.
My mom and dad FaceTime her every morning and every night, so when she did meet my mom at 10 weeks I swear she recognized her and her voice. It was 1 am when my mom got in and she smiled as soon as she started talking to her.
But I digress, plan! Plan girl! It has helped me so much knowing what our plan is for her when I go back to work. Or at least a tentative plan. About who will watch her and when. It gives me peace of mind and is going to make it a little (just a little) easier to leave her and go to work.
You can plan the little things too. We made freezer meals for when we brought her home (huge help, highly suggest). We plan meals for dinner now that we’ve run out, and we do grocery pick up. These little things make it easier to concentrate on your babe and definitely will help reduce your anxiety, I’m not speaking from experience or anything.
3.Find an outlet
I have so many. I don’t do them each everyday. But I blog, make tees, create content for Instagram and YouTube and of course love on my baby. Even if it’s just for a few minutes make sure you have time to unplug and have some times to yourself doing things that you love.
My husband is so good about helping me stay on track and take some time for myself. It’s easy to get wrapped up in mom life and forget who you were before you were a mom. I’m still home on maternity leave and he’s back at work so he can’t wait to get home and love on his baby. And I use the time for some “me time.”
4. Exercise or get outside
I know it’s cliche, but you look good you feel good. There are so many things we can’t control, but your own health and fitness isn’t one of those things.
Around 3 weeks I started going on walks consistently. It was still really nice outside and it was good for us to get some fresh air. We are still in the middle of a pandemic, so getting out of the house is a real treat most days. Sunshine and fresh air truly helped me forget about my postpartum anxiety for a littlw while.
5. Get up and get dressed
No you don’t have to do your makeup, and get all dressed up (unless that’s your thing, then go for it). But GET UP brush your hair and change out of your pajamas. For me it was usually work out clothes or sweats and a cute mom tee. Same for her, every morning we both got up and got dressed for the day. I can honestly say the few days that we didn’t both get dressed I lost track of time and wouldn’t get anything done for the day.
My dad would joke every morning that we were dressed with no where to go, yep! Every single day. Plus we did have some where to go, our walks! And obviously I had to take 100 photos of her every day.
6. Say NO
Say no to what you’re not comfortable with. It’s up to you to make the best decisions for your new baby, your mental health and your family. Your friends and family will understand. Not only are you trying to figure it out with a new baby (add extra anxiety if you’re a first time mom) but you are also trying to do it during a pandemic. Covid-19 has 100% added extra stress to new mama life for me, then when you throw in returning to work and possibly being exposed.. I’ve seriously considered going off grid and emerging when she is 2. But since that isn’t practical I’ve had to say no and set boundaries for myself and my family. And guess what!! Everyone understands, even my friends and family who aren’t mothers understand. And most importantly my husband and I are on the same page.
I know I can’t keep her locked in the house forever, but she’s only 9 weeks.. so it’s fine for now.
These are not the only ways to deal with postpartum anxiety, just a few suggestions that are working for me. Most likely if you struggle with postpartum anxiety it’s not the first time you’ve dealt with it in your life. Do what works for you! And if it’s not working for you try some of my suggestions.
You’ve probably heard this before but you are not alone! If you have friends or family who are mothers talk to them, more than likely they have had the same feelings and you are doing a great job, they will help remind you of that. I am not here to tell you what is or isn’t normal. But mainly to tell you that you can do this!
If you have any other ways you’ve dealt with postpartum anxiety leave it in the comments below. Or if you just want to share your story leave it in the comments below as well, I’d love to hear it!
xo
Related post: 10 Habits that will make you love Motherhood as a Stay at Home Mom
*if you feel to overwhelmed or suicidal please know you aren’t alone, and talk to someone. You have to take care of your self to be able to take care of your baby*
